Fear of Failure and Living – The Solution is the Solution

Fear of Failure and Living – The Solution is the Solution
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How to Get Rid of FearThe Solution to Fear and My First Experience of Winning

by: Elli Sanders

Sometimes I think about what my life would have been like if I had let fear drive me away from my dreams. What if I decided to give into feeling insecure about meeting new people or mentors, reaching out for help, or attempting new things? I think about these possibilities to give me a wake up call to examine my world now a little bit more deeply. Perhaps I’m allowing fear to take it’s toll somewhere in my life right now as I write this? Perhaps it’s keeping me in a holding pattern? As I sit here writing this, I’m already uncovering little areas of my life where I feel insecure and a bit off from my desired pattern of life.

We humans are certainly interesting creatures of habit, and those habits can certainly be good or they can be harmful. When I was younger before I had mentors I had several patterns that certainly pushed me into the corner in school and in life in general. My take the backseat mentality was surely turning me into someone who would not have enjoyed their life if they kept that attitude. But chances happened that I actually ran into a woman who ended up being my mentor when I was about 13. She ran a retail store and did many other things like drop shipping. She taught me certain habits to start forming when it came to creating my life on how I wanted it.

I remember the first time she requested to see me at a function that she was running for other women who she also was mentoring in business and life at the time. It was a conference in Denver, Colorado. The year was most likely 1998 or so. She requested that I’d come to her next conference, and although it wasn’t anything of a demand when she spoke to me, it certainly made an impression as if it was.Strong professional business woman in Denver

It was just a quick, “Yeah, you should show up!” with an intense eye gaze, which pierced my fragile soul into a thousand pieces and truly made me think about considering it. I had about 2 weeks from that time to really make up my mind on what I was going to do. You see, I was a very introverted young lady, and I had very few friends, and looking back, I’d say I had pretty much no friends.

So to dress up, and take the bus down into Denver by myself and find this place where the conference was taking place and to mingle with people I didn’t know, was WAY out of my comfort zone. So much so, I had decided not to go, up until about 6 hours before the event was going to take place. Now, you’ll have to imagine with me that you are a young adult that’s never really had a friend, never had to be present for anything, had to travel alone and had to meet with a very powerful and at that time intimidating business woman.

With that thought in mind I was literally sitting in the corner in the dark on a brown rocking chair where I was staying at the time, almost in tears. Because I felt hopeless, lost and scared. I didn’t know how to combat these fears in my head.

So I sat there saying to myself that I wouldn’t ever be able to free myself of myself.

My fear was so strong, so intense, beating down on me, tensing every muscle in my body so much so that I couldn’t even bring myself to cry.

At the same time though I started to feel what I was fearing. What was it?

It was movement, it was me having to start something, it was me having to have a purpose, it was me no longer fighting a possible fate of my life. You see while I sat there and thought about these things.

I decided that I was no longer going to let my fear take me over and demand that I just live a life of “normality”, because lets face it, with what it truly means in this world…

normality is not going to bring you fulfillment,

it’s not going to lead you to your finest hour,

It’s going to stop you from feeling the best of all feelings, to experience the world in a way that’s truly magical, free and safe.

It leads you to see things as scams, lies and deceit from the good will of others and because of that, that’s what you’ll end up attracting in your field of mental/physical observation. Through friends, lovers and the world as a whole.

When normality sets in, it’s like a parasite that will feed on all things in it’s reality that is pure and good.

It’s complacency, it’s judgement, it’s thoughts that bring the colorful world down to a low roar within a gray scale, it’s fantasy that is only lived through ones mind, it’s the dulling of the senses and as much as we would like to believe, we are not going to find ultimate or permanent happiness in these traits.

Normal… truly is something that doesn’t exist by default. As we have all heard we are either growing or we are dying.

But with all these things pacing my mind, it still did not have the thunder in which I needed to see myself pulling myself up and setting through the door to catch the bus I needed to catch in less then 1 hour at that time. Now, before I reveal the secret to what I did to eliminate that fear, I’d like for you to think of possibly a time when you had something similar happen. Really think about it. How did the movie play out in your head? What did it look like? If you’re like any other human being in the world, you played out your fear in your head over and over and over. You could say that while playing this fear out in your head, it always seemed to hit one spot. The end(s)!

I had to find a way to fight this fearThe end is basically your mind not having a solution or an understanding of anything that would/could come after the scenario playing over and over. You see the brain and mind immediately will begin to fear a problem when there is no solution to it. So the solution is to give your brain and mind one. What this means basically is that your mind most of the time is being completely irrational about challenges in life, and at the same time this causes fear, this of course applies to REAL issues as well… because lets face it, everyone literally has to walk through hell at times in life. But why couldn’t you use your minds irrational state in a positive way no matter what the real underlying challenges are?

–When you’re in fear and you are playing that movie over and over in your head. Simply play the rest of it out how you’d like to see it. Even if it’s a bit brash or ridiculous. You may start to quickly notice your talking mind becomes more elastic and playful about the challenges at hand and that fear or that hate or prejudice you might be holding on to will begin to melt away.

From this point your mind will start to see that the you are not permanently screwed, and because of that, you will no longer die a thousand deaths for no reason and many times come out the other side with proper solutions to your challenges or at least steps to start applying. Now this doesn’t mean that the irrational scenarios are the “right” path to go, but allowing yourself the right to explore these new areas fully will be helpful.

–Using irrational beliefs to free yourself from fear is absolutely a crucial way to gain control over your life, and in fact, if you’re using this technique to your advantage, you’ll either completely remove fear or most times remove enough of it to be able to function on your challenges at hand and by doing so you’ll begin to actually become a practitioner of practical magic. What I mean by that is this:

As a child you may have been afraid of the dark… some how you built irrational truths about the world, and although we know as adults that the fear is irrational; as a children, it’s as real as anything else. So the belief of dark scary monsters are very real and emotionally traumatizing as anything else “real” can be.

So as what happens with most kids is that they will accept this truth and have a hell of a time sleeping for quiet a while in their life because of this irrational fear. But there are some kids who learned by accident many times that they can use their irrational beliefs to free themselves from fear.

These are the kids who then tell their mind / brain that their covers are magical, and that when they are under them, nothing can enter in through them and they shine a bright light off of them so the monsters get scared of the light and run off. You can use the same idea to fill in gaps in your life that you are fearful of.

So as you can see, this is all ridiculous, BUT. You can also see that it can be beneficial too!

Back to the story:Find out what's more important to then suffering alone in fear

As I sat there, almost in tears, thinking about my future lives, I first decided to see my life and what it could look like if I gave into the fear I was feeling and to not enter out into the world by myself. Then, I thought about what my life could look like if I overcame this fear. At first, while thinking about not doing it, I saw myself hitting a wall, over and over again in my mind. Playing the same thing over and over again, with no trust, no conviction and because of that, I was playing the ‘Permanently Screwed Video’ over and over again. Then I decided to walk on the wild side, and saw myself get up, get dressed, run out the door down the street to the bus stop, get on the bus, get off a few stops down and then back on until I finally made it into Denver. I then saw myself get off the bus, walk down the street to the hotel this function was at, and with a strong straight back I stood in front of the doors of the hotel, fixed my hair and threw it over my shoulder as I entered into the hotel with my head held high with colors flying off of me instilling courage inside of me. All the while, still feeling absolutely terrified in my thoughts about this, it had turned into something different, the fear was no longer intimidating.

The best way to describe the difference in this fear was similar to what you could feel while working out/exercising. This ‘pain’ was exhilarating it was fresh and vibrant and colorful, because I decided to redefine what fear and pain meant to me at that point and for that situation. And when I saw myself step into that hotel room in my mind. A world of colors exploded into my mind, I had broken down the gates of my fear and realized it was nothing I couldn’t handle. At that moment, I saw I very brief glimpse of my life in which I’m living to this day. My extreme confidence, my over flow of giving and sharing with the world, my experiences and my love for life. I honestly can not totally put into words what I felt once I went through those gates. But it was like heaven opened up and allowed me through, as I threw off fear of ‘what if‘ and allowed myself to start healing from fear.

How to fight fear and win every timeFear is the great taker of lives and dreams. In my current life, I still battle with fear at times, but it’s nothing I ever back down from. Now, do I always win so effortlessly? No, thusly why I write, I meditate, I reflect and I use this technique of removing fear and doubt from my life. You’re never permanently screwed, never will be, there are more opportunities in life and death and in all situations that you could never say that in any circumstance that you’re not going to make it through, as it comes down to redefining the meanings of the challenges, even if it’s irrational. There is a lot to do, a lot to learn and as we continue to move forward with our live(s), we will continue to stack our experiences from this life to the next, be it spiritually (real death) or a metaphor of us changing our hats in life.

I used to fear that all these wonderful secrets and moments that I’m learning and experiencing in this life time would be for nothing, just a whisper in a sand storm trapped inside an hour glass.

But as stated here, I discovered that isn’t so, it was just me being irrational. Energy can not be destroyed and all thoughts, vibrations and events that I live now, will forever carry forward not just in my soul, but through the world that I’ll leave from this body. Things are going to keep moving no matter what, and I can visit/talk with anyone from my past or present (from this life, my past life or my next life) in my mind for support, by simply dissolving fear and using that all too famous irrational human mind to conjure up anything I wish, anything I desire, in anyway I want, which gives me the creativity and the courage to step up to my challenges in life and over come them.

We live in a world of irrationality, and many times people will succumb to allowing their irrational beliefs to literally kill their dreams or at times themselves. But those who use irrationality to their advantage, they are the ones changing the world. Fear is the devils hands in your pockets, helping you twiddle your thumb at the opportunities that circle you, with that knowledge you have to work on become something more then just reactive to fear and uncertainty. Become a great movie maker, become irrational if you need to be in a good way. But make sure you start catching yourself when you start to fret, stress or fear.


Practical Magic

by: Elli Sanders


“Beyond starlight and moonlight,
You beckon the call for something more,
beliefs you thought were real,
held your hand so gently as they stole.

Stole the will and the happiness that
you so procured, by the fantasy world,
you bled your heart as you cried out,
and asked god for more.

As you waited for an answer,
fear sat too,
as opportunities circled around you.

The fear you feel, is your growth,
your dreams, your brilliance and your
destiny. So without hesitation, and
without fear, you shall see it through.

You’ll move not a limb, but climb a mountain.
And from the top you will see,
a sparkling future awaiting, so patiently.

Believe that it’s right,
by summoning a dragon in flight,
while magicians cast the darkness from your sight.

So that in this world you created,
fear will be vanquished.

Leaving you free,
from normality.

So. Watch, await, and you will see.
There is much more to this life,
then what was elate in fantasy.”